If you're offended by nerds, sex or biased opinions, switch off now.
Speaking of new and wonderful things, I'd like to talk about the nerd. The new nerd. The gen Y nerd born after 1981. The nerd that doesn't excrete grease, smell like garlic or have a nervous eye twitch.
The age-old myth that nerds don't get any is rubbish. I've noticed that all my best friends are in love with new-age nerds, have crushes on them or talk dreamily about how that guy can "Fix things! With his hands!". One of my friends is dating an audio technician, another an IT support guy, a sci-trance composer, a software developer. It leads me to the inevitable conclusion that new nerds must not only be better in bed, but better at keeping you satisfied for longer in other life departments.
There's a lot to be said for the new nerd, he can fix almost anything and is usually agreeable to do so because it sparks his recovery program. He never gets boring: he has ten thousand interests drawn from the deepest depths of the Internet. He's always up to date on news, has an opinion about everything technological, cracks all your favourite 1990s RPGs and presents you with an 80G hard drives because "everyone needs one". As my own new-age nerd boyfriend elaborates: "We know a lot more about sex than you think. We know how to use the Internet to search for anything and everything about sex. We got the theoretics down pat." Not commenting on my boyfriend's performance - we've been together three years - but what about the practical side to hanky panky?
Editor Emily from humour and lifestyle website Lemondrop has a four prong theory about nerds putting it into practice:
1. If you're ugly (and maybe nerds, both boys and girls, fall short on good looks, I dunno), you have to try harder in bed
2. Nerds have excessive hand-eye coordination from playing video games
3. Nerds have an understanding of complicated machinery, like, ahem, the "vaginal machinery"
4. Geeks love gadgets: they're more likely to employ sex toys in bed
If sex gadgets aren't your thing and you're unwilling to substitute muscles for cool machinery (hellooo Open Source router!), why not invest in one of the many nerds who actually go to the gym? I did a quick headcount of my geeky male friends and found that 70%, that's 7/10, work out at least three times a week.
Grappling with the Annual
9 years ago
First, I can't believe no one has commented on this post yet? I am ecstatic that you pointed out the simple fact that nerds are awesome! Nerds really do run the world; they create our websites, they fix our dvd players, they keep us up to date on everything youtube worthy. I did my undergraduate degree at a very UN-nerdy school, where the football players were the big dogs, and I much preferred to spend my time with the cross-country team who didn't cheat on their exams, and all make a lot more money than the aforementioned footballers (excluding those that made it to the NFL and now wipe their butts with money). 3 of those 6 cross-country-ers are now engaged. Thats 50%...coincidence? I think not.
ReplyDeleteNo coincidence! On average, I should think that the intelligent nerd would be much more successful than the sports jock (apart from those NFL laddies wiping their butts with money!). I've always found tech people, sound engineers, computer programmers fascinating to talk with. Nerds - I might stop using the word nerd and say "intelligent people" instead - don't have a problem with long-term committment, as you're uni friends can attest to. They're stayers, not players! Long live the intelligent person! Which reminds me, if you haven't seen a movie called Idiocracy, do so now. What a frightening representation of how the world could turn out...
ReplyDeleteHere's an Idiocracy mashup of some of the best bits (and missing a few too).